Thank you for your interest in my therapy services. This information is intended to answer questions that you might have about my work and me.

Therapy is an opportunity to more deeply understand and change aspects of your life that are not working the way that you want them to. Therapy is a joint effort between client and therapist. Progress and success in therapy may vary depending upon the particular problems being addressed, and can depend upon many factors, including your motivation, effort, and other circumstances, such as interactions with family, friends, or others.

My therapy method

I have written this description of how I provide therapy services to help you evaluate therapists and determine which approach to therapy will be most appropriate for you.

There are many different theories about human psychology and how best to treat psychological issues. While there has been significant scientific research done in these areas, there have been few definitive conclusions drawn about what works and what does not. What some people find beneficial may not be useful to others. Therapy is a relational experience. Whether working with individuals, couples, or families, a relationship develops between each client and the therapist, and therapeutic work occurs in the context of those relationships. 

A therapist's theoretical orientation is what guides how he or she thinks about client issues and how best to treat those issues. My theoretical orientation focuses on the psychological process of "differentiation" which defines how we function in relationship to ourselves and to other people. Therapy helps clients address their issues and learn new relationship skills as they increase their levels of differentiation. 

Murray Bowen, M.D. identified and developed the concept of differentiation. David Schnarch, Ph.D. has further developed and applied Bowen's differentiation theory. The following description of differentiation is from the work of David Schnarch, Ph.D.

1) Our level of differentiation determines how well we are able to self-validate (maintain our own sense of healthy self-esteem). At higher levels of differentiation, our sense of self-esteem is not based on how other people think, feel or behave towards us.

2) Another element of differentiation is our ability to self-soothe (manage our emotions in healthy and effective ways) when we experience the emotions of other people. At higher levels of differentiation, we are better able to maintain our composure (not over react or withdraw), and stay engaged when others are expressing their emotions to us. We are able to stay emotionally connected even when we are uncomfortable with, or don't like, what someone else is expressing to us.

3) Increasing our level of differentiation is a growth process. Another aspect of differentiation is the willingness to tolerate discomfort for growth. Personal growth and intimacy often involves conflict, anxiety, and uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Increasing our tolerance for these kinds of discomforts in ourselves, and in others, increases our capacity for growth and intimacy. By pushing ourselves to do things that we find difficult (for example, being assertive with someone even if we think there may be disagreement and conflict) we learn new skills and we grow.

4) Our level of differentiation determines our ability to define and express our sense of identity (our sense of who we are, what we think, what we feel, and what we want) and to be receptive to others defining and expressing themselves to us. The ability to be assertive and maintain healthy boundaries (being able to set limits with others; being able to say "no" to others) is part of the differentiation process.

5) Our level of differentiation determines how well we are able to maintain and protect our sense of personal integrity (our moral and ethical beliefs). At lower levels of differentiation we are more likely to sacrifice our integrity and go along with things that we do not agree with to avoid the anxiety and tension of disagreement and conflict. At lower levels of differentiation we are also more likely to engage in destructive behaviors such as addictions, infidelity, deceit and other unhealthy forms of self-soothing.

Being well differentiated does not mean being unfeeling or callous. Rather, a higher level of differentiation is what allows us to have fuller awareness and experience of our emotions. By increasing our level of differentiation, we develop more effective ways to behave in response to our thoughts and feelings. We learn to be more adaptable to the natural and inevitable tensions of relationships, both personal and professional. 

Differentiation is not an "either you have it or you don't" quality, but is an ongoing, lifelong, developmental process. While we are all faced with the challenges of differentiation, the work of becoming more differentiated is not something that everyone chooses to do. 

What you can expect from therapy

Effective therapy will stimulate anxiety and may at times be emotionally uncomfortable. It is only by facing anxiety that anxiety tolerance can be increased. I strive to provide therapy that is not so uncomfortable that it is overwhelming but is stimulating and invigorating enough to encourage personal growth and initiate opportunities for change. My intent is that my clients will use each therapy session as a tool to enhance their lives. 

While not all therapy models, or therapists, focus on differentiation, I believe that it is at the core of relationship issues. Whether doing individual, couple, or family therapy, increasing differentiation encourages each person in therapy to take responsibility for his/her own behavior. Instead of trying to manage, control, or change someone else, each client is asked to focus on the person whom each has the most control over- him/herself. Addressing couple's or family issues does not require that partners or all family members participate or be equally engaged. One person willing to take responsibility for his/her own behavior, and therefore do things differently, will affect the other(s). Self-examination is the foundation for more open communication, deeper intimacy, and the courage to face unsatisfying relationship patterns and dynamics. 

Therapy Sessions

An individual session usually is scheduled for 50 minutes in duration. Couple and family sessions are usually 75 minutes. Longer session times are available. 

Conclusion

My beliefs about what constitutes effective therapy have developed over many years of study and clinical practice. My graduate education, thousands of hours of working with clients, and my experiences in my own therapy are just some of the elements that have formed the way I think about and do this work. As a therapist, and as a husband and father, I know how challenging our lifelong process to become more fully differentiated is. I also know the potential for deeper intimacy and more satisfying relationships (with ourselves and others) that develops from this process.

Thank you again for your interest in my services. I hope that this has been helpful to you.